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about

Robert Inhuman, about "Brickwall Hardcore"

This is a spoken take of the song from the unfinished "The Shit Punx Hate" album of 2007. I wrote it right after 2006 ended, in that winter, and it represents the aspects of Realicide driven by wrenching social anxieties and fears concerning loyalty, identity, and worth. The somewhat vaporous idea is thinking of hardcore as a fistfight and yelling match with a solid brick wall. Life can feel that brutal and futile, right? This piece is about a feeling of being rightfully paranoid and defeated, but still with a vehement inertia that suggests hope for a more stable existence if focus can be disciplined better somehow. It's definitely a "poem" that reflects how I feel before I've assigned myself any specific ambitions or purpose as an artist and human being.

lyrics

"I wanted to live a different life that wasn't available to me in the image I was born..."

microphone bruises - I feel like I'm drowning so I count each minute
deadline - time's up - black exit - let's go
I can't take this world no more - I never liked games and I feel it swallowing me
tear at digest me every minute - electronic cage
each word and touch pierces my clothing and skin

companionship is the gun at the back of my head
companionship is a bleeding cut on my body while I give her head
companionship is the taperecorded glass breaking and marrying my skin
I can't stand being alone with my thoughts but when I'm with you I know I'm just wasting them

every time stuck in a pit - thinking I wish this was REAL CIDE
then immediately thinking I wish Realicide was something more - something better
didn't you hear me gasping? did you wonder what the fuck I'm trying to breathe in!!!
scraping and clutching like I'm gonna radiate an exit - like I'd be a doorway
lord look at me drowning in my thoughts - my brickwall hardcore
look at me as that junkie for more or that shell starved dry or
that demented fiend - forgot what I was hoping for

every day is all night - even when I'm sleeping, caked in the friction of my mind
I dreamed of a kid stabbing another kid like an assassin
am I an assassin or did I just get stabbed?

plague in my head - terminal - echoing continuously
crippled decisions drunk on isolation
plague dragging my legs every step I try and make
invading my guts with every breath I try and take
repossessed - replaced - renamed - erased
I found out anything can be erased
and so I'm scanning for betrayal on my best friend's face
you'd bite my face when I lean to kiss you...

credits

from Resisting The Viral Self LP​/​CD (2007​-​2009), released March 29, 2009
Robert Inhuman: word, voice, edits.
Steven Cano: hardware electronics.

license

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