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about

Robert Inhuman, about "If I Am Hungry"

I’m not gonna eat meat or gelatin anymore.

Anybody who knows me will know this has been a longterm goal for many years, and something that is extremely hard for me compared to many things I've wanted to change in myself throughout my life. I'd been pushing it back year by year, waiting for a time in which I am not being beaten down by depression, social anxieties, financial concerns, addiction to the comfort and luxury of humor. This needs to be the year though, because I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing well in more ways than not. It's weird. This is the first year I've technically been homeless; and over 2 years now without federally monitored income; but I'm feeling strong and very positive about a lot of current and recent decisions.

My dietary decisions are NOT rooted in any attempt to preserve my own body. My decisions are based on the perspective and philosophy I've had since my late teens; I view humanity as plagued with the gift (yet the ultimate curse) of [ir]responsibility. We are separated from all other animal life on Earth based on our heightened ability to manipulate our environments. I don't think I need to give examples of how this is a terminal situation; look at the natural world we cage and tie down around every corner; look at the cement you walk on like a body bag to this world; any world apart from humanity's self-appointed manifest destiny is viewed as a savage threat and manipulated to the point of terminal mutilation; fucked to death - and our attempts to backtrack and correct these mistakes are little more than digging deeper into that same toxic hole.

My decisions are only a symbol for what I hope can be a nurtured compassion for animal life other than that of humanity. Fuck my crippling shell; my body! What about the bodies of those who are not capable of this calculated malice and gluttony we call humanity? When I'm dead let me be a sacrifice to their nature and not my own; not a species so VIRAL to all others it encounters.

I am fucking tired of being so firmly connected to food dependent on animal suffering and death. My choice to stop eating meats and gelatin is not solving a lot of anything, but it is at least a step in what I know is the right direction for myself. My diet is one of my most difficult vices. I don't have interest in alcohol or drugs or most entertainment, but food is a hard thing for me to be flexible about to say the least.

I would like to just drop out all the way, into veganism or at least only eat animal products I've collected and dealt with myself, but I know I'm not strong enough yet in this corner of my life. If I can take just this first step this year it will be a big deal to me; and I hope any of my peers that know very well how hard it will be for me can look at it as an example; just one instance of someone forcibly re-configuring how a certain aspect of their daily habits will be. I know the things that push me towards very necessary changes and challenges are often my witnessing these kind of examples in the people around me.

Thanks to everyone in my life who has encouraged me in a patient and genuine way to get myself together and live more closely in sync with what I feel is right. Without your friendship and conversation I would be able to hide too much more from my own weaknesses and undeveloped ambitions.

lyrics

"I try to quit while I'm ahead..."
"We must shape a new mentality... People must be trained to desire; to want new things even before the old have been entirely consumed; from a needs to a desires culture..."
"RIGHT NOW."
"...but I notice that I'm already killing."

fuck my whimpering body - that shell that would cripple those of any it could
I know that it would - this - my human body
manipulator and each time terminal mutilator
manifest viral extinguisher of itself and anything else
leave the choice to me and it's the zipper closing on this world's body bag
point of no return - point to prove to whom?
...til there's nobody left to use or gloat to
fuck my whimpering body - let it be a sacrificial tool
celebrate our death in order to honor all life on Earth
celebrate our death as a cure for a plague of all unjust hurt
wash away a failed species

"...a supreme conception that suffering is a mistake, or a sign of weakness, or a sign even of illness, when in fact the greatest truths we know have come out of people suffering." (Arthur Miller)

credits

from Resisting The Viral Self LP​/​CD (2007​-​2009), released March 29, 2009
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, software electronics, edits.

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